


Some Folks Love To Rube Goldberg Their Orgasms

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Automatic Fleshlight, Established Relationship, Fellatio, Forced Eye Contact, Fucking Machine, M/M, Masturbation, Podfic Welcome, Sex Toys, Thrusting Dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 14:28:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16348463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Ryan discovers fucking machines. He's not sure what to make of them.





	Some Folks Love To Rube Goldberg Their Orgasms

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from my dear @HerberBest.

Ryan Bergara was watching porn.

It wasn’t a thing he indulged in too often - he both didn’t want to become dependent, and had other, more important things in his life.

But what was wrong with the occasional indulgence, now and then?

The equivalent of ordering a fancy dessert while going out to dinner.

Admittedly, in this case, he was watching porn while staying at a hotel on location for an Unsolved episode, but, well… fear made him horny, and he always slept better after he’d had an orgasm.

Anyway, Shane was in the shower, so it wasn’t like it was going to get weird or anything like that, right?

… the two of them were doing something like dating anyway (they hadn’t officially “put a label on it,” as it were, but they’d fucked, they’d kissed, they’d gone on actual dates), and seeing your partner jerking off was a totally normal thing to do, right?

Or maybe Ryan was just more on edge than usual, after all the jumping and screaming, and he needed _something_ to take the edge off.

Regardless, he was on his phone, his dick in hand, stroking himself.

This wasn’t going to be some kind of long, drawn out session - he wanted to get off, get in the shower, and get to sleep. 

He was tired in his bones, and... rattled in his bones.

Something _had_ reached out and touched him, for all that Shane refused to believe him. 

Shane refused to believe him about most things, the jerk.

He’d said that maybe the thing that had touched Ryan was a spider, except since when could a spider literally reach out and grab at a piece of someon’s shirt?!

… okay, so Ryan might have been fuming a bit.

_Just a bit._

It wasn’t that he wanted Shane to… _believe_ in stuff, per se, but maybe not dismiss it out of hand?

Regardless, he was nothing but a mess of frustration and annoyance, his whole body on edge, his cock hard in his hand, throbbing in time with his heart. 

He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, as he browsed through his favorite porn site - this or that looked interesting, but for some reason, nothing was really… biting. 

“Fucking machine,” Ryan read out loud, squinting at the white text on the black background. “Wonder what that is.”

He clicked on the video, to find… a man tied to a bed, with some kind of weird contraption using a motor to make things thrust, while a different machine applied… some kind of sleeve to a guy’s dick, moving up and down. 

The guy who was strapped to the bed seemed to be pretty into it, and Ryan’s cock twitched like a tuning fork.

Hm.

Ryan gave himself a stroke, as his cock began to leak more pre-cum, leaning back into the pillows.

The shower was still going - Shane was probably trying to wash all of those cobwebs out of his hair, which made sense. 

Ryan wasn’t going to complain - it was nice to have some private time to get off, and Shane was probably working his own frustrations off under the hot water.

Ryan would have done the same, except he wanted porn, and it was hard to watch porn while he was in the shower. 

Ryan plugged his headphones in, and he pressed the button. 

The guy on the video was howling to the heavens, thrashing in his bed, and the toy that was fucking him just kept _going_.

That was the interesting bit - it didn’t seem to be like being fucked by a person, or even a person using a toy.

The machine kept fucking, regardless of anything, and it kept the same steady, exhausting pace. 

It wasn’t like being fucked by a person - it was relentless, it was brutal, and it was… oh… fuck….

Ryan came with a gasp across his knuckles, and he managed to knock his head on the headboard.

Right as Shane came out of the bathroom, because of course he did.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Ryan said, and he rubbed the back of his head with his clean hand. “Just, uh… was distracted.”

“Distracted, eh? That’s what the kids are calling it these days?”

Shane waggled his eyebrows like a character out of a Marx brothers movie, but he went back into the bathroom, then came back and tossed Ryan a washcloth.

"What were they calling it in the old days?"

Ryan wiped off his hand, wiped off his cock.

He left his phone on the bed, face up, and he stretched - all of his frustration seemed to have left his body with his cum, and he wanted nothing so much as to take a nap.

"In the old days, we didn't want to spill our seed, for fear of angering the great mother goddess," Shane said, and his tone was earnest, even if he looked like he was going to burst out laughing.

Ryan snorted, and he stood up slowly, stretching his legs, his arms above his head. 

"What's gotten you so worked up?"

Shane was wearing a pair of sweatpants, and they clung to certain bits of his anatomy in such a way as to bring attention to it.

Ryan couldn't help but ogle, even as he got undressed to go shower himself.

"It was a ghost, not a spider," Ryan said.

Shane snorted.

"Ghosts don't exist, Ryan," Shane said, in that same tone of voice that always infuriated Ryan. 

"You don't know that," said Ryan.

"Yes, I do," said Shane. "If ghosts existed, we'd know by now."

Ryan bit back half a dozen snarky replies, and he just kicked his pants off.

"Whatever," Ryan said. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"So to be clear," said Shane, "you were turned on by the fact that a ghost yanked on your shirt? Or a spider scurried on it at the wrong moment, making you trip on something and snag on it, therefore making you convinced you got goosed by a ghost."

"Fuck off," Ryan said. 

"I would, but you seem to be out of the running for that," said Shane, indicating Ryan's crotch, where his cock was going soft.

Ryan flipped the bird at Shane.

Shane cackled in delight, and Ryan had to grin back.

Shane gave as good as he got, but he took as good as he gave.

There was something restful about that kind of give and take - something downright _relaxing_ , when you got down to it.

Ryan shut the door behind him, completely naked, and he turned the water on.

He'd have a great shower, he'd go to bed, he wouldn't think of the events that had gone down in that stupid haunted house, he was just going to go to sleep.

It would be fine.

It would all be fine. 

* * * 

An hour later, Ryan lay in bed, and he was shaking.

He was... stupidly scared.

A lot more scared than he should have been, all things considered - his heart was pounding in his ears, in his throat, in his wrists.

He was clutching at a pillow on his bed, and he was looking over to the next bed, where Shane was sprawled out.

Okay.

He could get into bed with Shane - that'd be something, right?

He could seek some comfort from cuddling up to Shane, tuck his cold feet into the backs of Shane's knees, generally just take some relief from the fact that he was sharing a bed with the big galoot. 

But he'd never hear the end of it.

Ryan's cock twitched in his pajama pants, and he glanced down at it, frowning in the darkness. 

_Really_?

He'd just cum, barely an hour ago, and already?

It wasn't like he was sixteen again.

Unbidden, the image of the fucking machine crept into his mind again, and he flushed.

Um.

Okay.

He slid a hand down into his pants, and he closed his eyes, beginning to stroke.

His cock began to firm up in his grip, and he gave a little sigh, trying not to make too much noise, trying not to bother Shane too much.

He was biting his lip, rolling his hips as he fucked into his fist. 

He tried to keep his hips steady, almost mechanical, as if he was attached to some kind of fucking machine.

Or was he imagining it wrong?

He shuddered, his mouth falling open, and he saw himself in his mind's eye; strapped to some kind of chair, a fleshlight type thing moving up and down his cock. Maybe something thrusting into his ass as well?

... he wished he'd brought lube with him. It would have been handy, to be able to finger himself while he was having this fantasy. 

Unbidden, the mental image of Shane standing over him and holding the remote popped into his head.

Ryan groaned - actually _groaned_ \- and the heat and the sweetness began to wash over him like a wave.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Although Shane would be a total sadist with that kind of remote, come to think of it. He'd probably make it go faster or slower at will.

But the fucking machine would just keep... going, would keep using him, relentless pounding, relentless fucking.

The machine wouldn't care about anything, the machine would just keep going, even if he was done, even if he was blowing smoke.

He'd be totally at its mercy.

He gasped, and then he covered his mouth with his other hand, still humping his hand, his mouth falling open, his hips working harder, faster. 

"Ryan?" 

Shane's voice was sleepy.

"Sorry," Ryan said, too far gone to be embarrassed, too embarrassed to be shameless.

It was an interesting mix.

"What's gotten you so worked up, dude?"

"I'm... I'm fine," Ryan said.

"Evidently," said Shane, and then he was _climbing out of bed_ , climbing into Ryan's bed. 

Ryan rolled onto his side, and then he rolled onto his other side, as Shane scooted closer, his hand flat on Ryan's belly. 

His chest was against Ryan's back, his chin on Ryan's shoulder.

Shane was breathing on Ryan's neck, and Shane's hand was going over Ryan's, in Ryan's pajama pants. 

"What's gotten you so worked up," Shane repeated, as he shoved down Ryan's pajama pants, his fingers collecting pre-cum from the head of Ryan's cock, to spread it along Ryan's shaft.

"I was... I saw a porn video," Ryan said. "It stuck in my head. And I might still be kinda spooked. Y'know, from... all of that."

"Right," said Shane. "You're,like, the only person in the world who gets fear boners."

"It makes perfect sense," Ryan said, and then he gasped, as Shane's fingers did something tricky under the head of Ryan's cock, tweaking it. 

Ryan's hips twitched forward, and it pulsed in Shane's hand.

"Does it?"

"It does," said Ryan.

"So what was in this porno that's stuck in your head?"

Shane changed lanes so abruptly that Ryan felt a bit like his metaphorical side mirror got snapped. 

"What?"

"You mentoned a porno. What was in this porno that got you so worked up?"

"Oh," said Ryan. "Um. There was, uh, there was... there was a guy, and he was tied up, and there was this... it was a fucking machine."

"I assume that it was a machine that fucked," said Shane, "and not just a machine that someone was swearing at."

"Oh my god, Shane," Ryan said, and he was snickering in spite of himself.

He let go of his cock, holding on to Shane's hip, and Shane kept working him over, his palm smooth and warm along Ryan's shaft, his thumb occasionally pressing down on the head of Ryan's cock. 

"So a fucking machine," Shane prompted.

"Right," said Ryan. "It was just... it was hot."

He was aware that he sounded faintly... ridiculous, but he didn't really know how to turn that off.

"What about it was hot?"

"I don't know right now," Ryan groused, and he moaned again, a little harder, throwing his head back, resting it on Shane's shoulder, as Shane's fingers moved lower, to stroke along the base of his cock, along the very top of his balls.

"Think about it," Shane said, and he squeezed Ryan's cock.

Ryan groaned, a long, drawn out sound.

"How... relentless it was," Ryan said, not really aware of what was coming out of his mouth. "I liked how it just did it. How the guy had no choice, unless he wanted it to stop. But he didn't have a say in how it was done, how any of it happened. It just... happened."

"Right," said Shane, and he began to stroke Ryan harder.

"And also, y'know, the whole idea of being fucked by a machine is hot as hell," said Ryan.

"Newly discovered kink?"

"Basically," said Ryan, and he laughed, self conscious.

"Well," said Shane, his tone cheerful, "I'll certainly keep it in mind for the future."

"Oh my god," said Ryan, and then, " _fuck_ , Shane, right there, please!"

Shane did the thing again - the twisty thing with his fingertips, with his wrist, and it was enough to make Ryan's eyes roll back in his head.

"I'm going to cum," Ryan said. "Please...."

"Do it," said Shane. "C'mon, do it."

The sweetness under Ryan's skin was enough to make him combust - he was going to explode in a ball of heat, Shane's breath hot on the back of his neck, Shane's sweat soaking into his shirt, Shane's warm hand on his cock, Shane's chest rising and falling with each breath, pressing into Ryan's own back.

Ryan came across Shane's knuckles, his heels digging into the mattress, his hips working desperately, his mouth open.

The pressure snapped like a neck, and Shane was mumbling some sort of obscenity in Ryan's ear, but Ryan couldn't hear it, since his own breath seemed to be taking up his whole head.

Ryan went limp, shaking, and Shane was kissing along Ryan's shoulders, the back of his neck.

"I was kind of a jerk earlier," Shane admitted.

"Y'think?"

Ryan's voice was not _as_ witheringly sarcastic as he wanted it to be, but only just.

"Point taken," said Shane, and he sighed.

Ryan rolled over, onto his other side, and he turned around, so that his face was pressed into Shane's neck. 

He kissed along Shane's jaw, then further up, along Shane's cheek, then to Shane's mouth.

"You're an asshole," Ryan said, and he groped along the front of Shane's sweatpants, carefully, then not so carefully.

He found Shane's shaft, and he squeezed it, rubbing it through the thin fabric.

"Oh, fuck," Shane mumbled, and his hips rolled forward as he fucked into Ryan's fist.

"What's your excuse? You weren't the one watching porn, were you?"

Ryan's hand slid into Shane's sweatpants, and he wrapped his fingers around it, beginning to stroke him.

Shane was hot and solid in Ryan's hand, the tip leaking, the shaft silky smooth.

Shane groaned, his hips rolling as he fucked into Ryan's fist.

"You're _seriously_ asking me that? For fuck sake, Ryan," Shane groused.

"What?"

Ryan tried to do his own twisty wrist thing, and Shane gave a long, drawn out groan.

"I literally just jerked you off. It's hot as fuck. You're lying here, all sweaty and sex ruffled, and you're asking me what's gotten me so worked up. Like, what the fuck, man."

Ryan snorted.

Only Shane could sound faintly disgruntled as he was being jerked off.

Ryan found a sensitive spot, right on the side of Shane's Adam's apple, and he nibbled on it.

Shane gave another long, drawn out groan, and Ryan moaned, making his mouth vibrate.

He began to jerk Shane off faster, as Shane's cock began to pulse in his hand.

"You're going to cum in my hand," Ryan said. "I can feel it, you're so hot, you're throbbing so hard, it's _pulsing_ , fuck, do it, please Shane, I want you to -"

Shane's cock spurted into Ryan's hand, and Ryan moaned, sucking gently on Shane's neck, his tongue darting out to rasp against the stubble.

"Oh," Shane said, and his voice was sweet, open. "Ry...."

"Mmm?"

Ryan pulled back, and he kissed Shane on the mouth - a gentle peck of lips.

Shane sighed, and the rush of air ruffled Ryan's hair.

"You're hot," Shane said. 

"... thanks?"

Ryan had a handful of jizz.

Welp.

He stood up, stumbling slightly in the dim hotel room, and he made his way towards the bathroom to wash his hand.

At least Ryan wasn't freaked out anymore - between his own orgasm, and the exertion involved in making Shane cum... well, he was tired.

All of the adrenaline had left his system, and he just wanted to pass the fuck out.

When he came out of the bathroom, Shane was dead to the world in his own bed, snoring like a beast.

Oh, Shane.

* * *

They finished the episode, and they went back to LA.

Life went back to normal.

Shane and Ryan went on a date, had a Netflix and chill sort of date, worked together, snarked each other.

A month passed, then another, and Ryan and Shane found themselves sitting together on Shane’s couch, watching a mediocre horror movie.

“So I looked up fucking machines,” said Shane.

“ _What_?”

Ryan looked sidelong at Shane, trying not to look too much like a silent movie character.

“You said you liked them,” said Shane, “so I looked them up.”

“Okay,” said Ryan, as the inside of his head gibbered like something out of Lovecraft.

“Some folks love to Rube Goldberg their orgasms,” Shane said, and he looked faintly affronted when Ryan started to laugh. 

“What? What’s so funny?”

“R-R-Rube Goldberg,” Ryan gasped out. “Rube Goldberg!”

“You… you do know what a Rube Goldberg machine is, right?”

Shane looked faintly unnerved.

“Of course I do,” said Ryan, as he finally stopped laughing, panting like he’d been running a marathon. “What do you take me for?”

“So what’s so funny?”

“You literally said “Rube Goldberg” and “orgasms” in the same goddamn sentence,” said Ryan. “How can I not laugh at that?”

Shane snorted. 

“You can’t lie - it _is_ kind of Rube Goldbergesque, isn’t it?”

“I mean,” Ryan said, “it depends on the fucking machine?”

Ryan had been looking at so many different fucking machines - there were so many varieties of them, in all their various permutations.

“So I was looking up a bunch of them,” Shane continued, “but a lot of them cost, like, quadruple digits, or the high end of the triple digits.”

“What, were you planning on getting one?”

Ryan’s mind was boggling.

He’d mentioned being interested in fucking machines once, and Shane had legitimately considered _buying_ one? 

That was a trippy thing to think about.

It wasn’t that Ryan hadn’t ever shared a kink or an idea with a partner before - far from it!

But… well, Shane didn’t strike Ryan as being interested in these kinds of things.

And yet.

“I mean,” said Shane, “you did mention you were interested, and you went off like a goddamn firehose when you were talking about it before. If we could, like, rent one, that’d work, but that’s not really an option, is it?”

“I wouldn’t want a rentable fucking machine,” Ryan said, and he wrinkled his nose. 

“It could be washed,” Shane said defensively.

“I’d rather just save my pennies,” said Ryan. “Anyway, how would you start that kind of rental agency? Who would rent from it in the first place?”

“There are plenty of broke, horny perverts out there,” said Shane. “I could make good money.”

“Tell you what,” said Ryan. “If you want me to invest in your startup, I’ll give you… twenty bucks.”

“You highroller, you,” said Shane. “I was just gonna tell you that I got a fancy fleshlight and a thrusting dildo, and you could pretend that it was some kind of fancy fucking machine.” 

“... oh,” said Ryan, and he cleared his throat. “Um.”

“So how does that sound?”

“How would that work?”

“It’s, like, a mechanical fleshlight,” said Shane. “It’s got these little beads - it’s like one of those fancy massage thingies, with the rolling beads, and they go up and down, squeezing the pocket of a fleshlight type thing.”

“Right,” said Ryan. “So it’s like getting a robot handjob?”

“Kinda, yeah,” said Shane. “And the dildo’s got this, like… rocking mechanism? It’s kinda hard to describe.”

“Where did you even _find_ this stuff?”

Ryan was aware that he was looking at Shane with wide eyes like some kind of gobsmacked idiot.

“I looked around,” Shane said, “like I said. So you want to try it?”

“Sure,” said Ryan. “Sure. Why not. Let’s do this.”

“You don’t sound that enthusiastic,” said Shane. “Are you sure?”

Ryan made an annoyed noise, grabbing the front of Shane’s shirt and pulling him closer.

Ryan kissed Shane, his tongue swiping across the seam of Shane’s lips, his fingers sliding into Shane’s hair, pulling Shane closer, until they were chest to chest, nose to nose.

Shane’s nose was cold against Ryan’s cheek.

Shane made a startled noise, and he opened his mouth, letting Ryan’s tongue in.

Ryan’s tongue tested the softness of the insides of Shane’s cheeks, the bluntness of Shane’s teeth, the heat and wetness of his tongue.

Shane shuddered, and he pressed closer, then pulled back, panting. 

“So you’re pro the idea, huh?”

Shane’s voice was surprisingly mellow, but there was an undercurrent of wanting under it, and Ryan grinned. 

“I like it,” Ryan agreed. “But, uh… what are you getting out of this?”

“I was thinking that maybe you could suck me off? While the other two toys are being used, I mean. If that’s okay?”

Shane looked faintly bashful, which was fucking adorable.

The guy had been talking about having Ryan on the bed and using sex toys on Ryan was still embarrassed to ask for something like a blow job.

“Go for it,” said Ryan. “I mean, uh… I’m up for it. Sucking you off.”

… okay, so Ryan wasn’t much better, but _still_.

Principle of the thing and whatnot, right?

“I’ve got the stuff in the bedroom,” Shane said. “Assuming you’re, uh, up for sex stuff?”

“Of course,” said Ryan. “I did unspeakable things to certain bits of my anatomy in preparation of hanging out with you.”

Shane made a face.

“Thanks for that,” he said. “I didn’t need to know that.”

“I thought it’d make you feel better,” said Ryan, “knowing that - ”

“Yes, yes,” Shane said quickly. “I don’t need the nitty gritty.”

Ryan opened his mouth to say something else - probably faintly gross but still hilarious - only to have Shane cover his mouth with one hand.

“I swear to god, if you say what I think you’re going to say, I will kick you out of my apartment, hard on and all.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, and he licked Shane’s palm, which made Shane yelp, pulling his hand back.

“You’re perfectly okay with my tongue in your mouth,” said Ryan. “How is that any different?!’

“It feels _weird_ ,” said Shane, and he wrinkled his nose.

Ryan rolled his eyes, but he was grinning, his expression fond.

He couldn’t help it.

Shane was just… well, Shane was himself, and it was endlessly endearing to Ryan. 

… fuck, but he had it pretty badly, didn’t he?

Oh well. 

“Lead the way,” he told Shane.

“You know where my bedroom is,” Shane said, and he stood up, unfolding like a lawn chair with an erection and a sleepy expression. 

“Still,” said Ryan. “It’s the principle of the thing, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Shane, and he took Ryan’s hand in his own, squeezing Ryan’s fingers. “I shall lead the way.”

* * * 

Ryan and Shane lay on the bed together, and they kissed.

They kissed like it was the end of the world, rolling on top of each other - at one point, Shane was on top, his hands bracketing Ryan’s face, his mouth wet and hot against Ryan’s, then along Ryan’s neck, under the line of Ryan’s ear. 

There was another point, where Ryan was straddling Shane’s hips, and they were chest to chest, kissing each other, and Ryan’s fingers were threaded in Shane’s hair, his hips rolling forward, tasting Shane’s breath.

And then they were next to each other, legs tangled together like tree roots, fingers tangled like vines, and then they were pulling apart, panting like they’d both been running.

Shane pulled back, his forehead against Ryan’s, nose to nose, belly to belly.

“As amazing as this is,” Shane said, and his voice was rough, “I would very much like… to do the thing.”

“Do the thing,” Ryan teased, cupping Shane’s face, his thumb pressed against Shane’s lower lip. 

“You know what I mean,” Shane groused, and he sat up awkwardly, disentangling from Ryan’s grip. “Hold on.”

Ryan sat up awkwardly, his head still spinning with arousal, his cock pulsing in time with his heart. 

“What’s going on?”

Ryan rubbed his eyes, as Shane turned the overhead light on, and then Shane was crouching down in front of the closet, digging through it. 

“Just looking for stuff,” said Shane. 

“So you’re saying you had this whole fantasy sex thing planned, and you don’t know where the shit you need for it actually _is_?”

“Shut up, you” said Shane, without much feeling.

Ryan snickered. 

“Found it!”

"Where was it hiding?"

"Exactly where I put it," said Shane, and he looked faintly sheepish.

Ryan snickered in spite of himself.

"You should get naked," said Shane, as he turned around to dig through the bottom of his closet again.

"What are you looking for?"

Ryan pulled his shirt off anyway, even though some part of him wanted to argue - there was being his usual shit of a self, and there was cutting his nose off to spite his face.

So he got naked, trying not to give in to his own self consciousness - he knew that Shane thought he was the hottest thing on legs, regardless of how dumb he felt sitting on the bed naked. 

Sure enough, when Shane turned around, he was looking at Ryan with wide eyes, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

"Oh," said Shane, and his voice was rough.

"Oh?"

Ryan rolled onto his back, spreading his legs a little wider, resting his hands on his stomach.

"You look like such a goddamn pillow princess in that position," said Shane, and he was holding a fleshlight in one hand, what looked like a dildo in the other.

"Well, it could be argued that his kind of thing is the ultimate in pillow princess... hood," said Ryan, as Shane pulled his own shirt off, then went to rummage around in in his end table.

"You think?"

Shane grabbed the bottle of lube, and he was sitting on the side of the bed, fingering open the fleshlight.

"Yeah. It's just me getting done."

"You'll be doing me too," Shane pointed out. "Sort of, at least."

"Sort of? Since when is one of my blowjobs a "sort of" sort of situation?"

Ryan propped himself up on his elbows, watching Shane's fingers disappear into the pink silicone. 

"Does it count as you doing me, if I'm doing all the work?"

"I feel like pillow princess-ness involves one person just getting done, while I'll be sucking you off, so I won't just be getting done."

"You think?"

Shane dripped lube onto the inside of the fleshlight, and Ryan licked his lips. 

"I know," Ryan said, with more confidence than he felt.

"If you say so," said Shane, and then he was just... putting the fleshlight onto Ryan's cock.

There was no lead up, no, nothing - one minute, Shane was lubing it up, the next he was sliding it onto Ryan's cock.

And the fleshlight... holy fuck.

Ryan had never used a fleshlight (or any other kind of masturbater) before, and it was... it was an interesting sensation, to be sure.

Silky, soft, wet, squeezing him tightly.

He could feel the beads, faintly, but Shane hadn't turned the thing on yet. 

Shane shifted it, and Ryan's hips rolled up in spite of himself. 

"So," said Shane, "I'm about to put this dick in your ass. You ready?"

"By "this dick" you mean the dildo, not your dick, right?"

"If I was talking about _my_ dick I would have said "my dick," I wouldn't have said "this dick," thank you very much," said Shane, as he drooled lube across the blue dildo. "So you ready?"

Shane's hand went under Ryan's balls, towards his hole, and Ryan shuddered, his mouth falling open.

It wasn't the first time that he'd been touched like this - he didn't know how many times he'd done this by now, albeit not in this circumstances, but... still.

He was on edge - here was Shane, willing to fulfill his weird fantasy, and it was almost happening.

He was going to get fucked by a machine - technically two small machines, but still.

The idea of it was sound, right?

Ryan's legs opened a little wider, as Shane's finger slid inside of him, and Ryan squirmed, his heels digging into the mattress.

"Yeah, you want this," said Shane, and he sounded pretty proud of himself, as he added another finger, curling it, the knuckles stretching Ryan open. "And before you argue with me about believing you, I'll point out that you're also the guy who brought up Underwater Area Fifty One with a straight face."

"I'm never gonna live that one down," Ryan groused, and he ground his hips forward, into Shane's hand. 

"Nope," Shane said cheerfully, beginning to curl his fingers right up against Ryan's prostate, and Ryan went boneless, his cock twitching in the fleshlight.

"Anyway," said Shane, "could you ever consider having a straight face in the first place?"

"I thought I was straight at that point," Ryan protested, although it was a weak protest. 

Shane's fingers were curling again, and then they were gone, and Ryan tried not to whine at the new emptiness.

His cock twitched again, and he sighed, his toes curling against the soles of his feet.

"I suppose you could look at it that way," Shane said, and he was lubing the toy up, and then he was... pushing Ryan flat. "I'm gonna put this in you now, okay?"

"Sounds like a good plan," said Ryan, and he was holding on to the blanket, his knuckles turning white.

The dildo was cool with lube, and the silicone dragged just a bit as it filled him up, until it was as deep as it could go, the little flare at the base pressed against his hole.

"Gonna turn them on now," said Shane, and his voice was very loud in the quiet room.

"Right," said Ryan. "You do that."

"You sure sound enthusiastic," said Shane, and then he was flicking a switch, and the dildo just started to... thrust.

Full on thrusting into him, as if Shane was thrusting it himself, and it worked... somehow. Ryan wasn't sure.

Maybe there was something weighted, moving back and forward?

Ryan licked his lips, and he closed his eyes, turning his head to the side and pressed his cheek into the softness of the pillow.

And then Shane was turning on the fleshlight... thing, and it was beginning to stroke him.

Sort of.

It was odd, to be sure.

Ryan wasn't sure if it felt like anything he'd ever felt before - it did feel like being jerked off by a machine, which was, admittedly, what he wanted, but still.

It was an odd sensation. 

He wasn't sure how much he liked it, but he was pretty sure that he liked it.

He looked up at Shane, and Shane looked down at him, his expression something like nervous.

Shit.

Shane must have put a lot of thought into this, trying to make sure that Ryan got his weird fantasy fulfilled.

Ryan blushed, suddenly hit with just how _lucky_ he was, how blessed he was with his friends and his lovers. 

"Thank you," Ryan said. "For... for all of this. I appreciate it. I appreciate it a lot."

He shifted positions, and Shane reached down, pressing some button at the base of the dildo.

The dildo began to thrust faster, and Ryan groaned in surprise.

Okay.

It didn't feel like being fucked by a person - it was too mechanical, and the weighted whatever-it-was made itself very obvious.

It was like being fucked by a machine, and that was... that was exactly what Ryan wanted.

Ryan moaned, and he spread his legs wider, trying not to move too much, for fear of disturbing either toy.

Shane leaned down, and he kissed Ryan, his big palms on Ryan's cheeks, the tips of his index fingers right up against Ryan's temples.

Ryan moaned into Shane's mouth, and Shane moaned back, then broke the kiss, his hand going to Ryan's hair, forcing Ryan's head back enough to kiss along Ryan's neck.

He pressed hungry, wet kisses along Ryan's throat, and Ryan had to fight against his instinct to thrash, his mouth falling open, throwing his head back.

Shane was careful not to leave any marks - at least, until he got below Ryan's shirt line, at which point he sucked a dark, bruising hickey into the delicate skin right under Ryan's collarbone.

"They're gonna make me... t-t-take my shirt off at work, just you watch," Ryan mumbled, as his cock twitched in the toy.

He was going to cum.

He could feel it on the edge of his nerves already, sparking like the arcs of a downed power line.

He sobbed, as Shane's lips wrapped around his nipple, and his heels dug into the mattress again, wriggling his hips, wriggling his _everything_.

"Oh fuck," Ryan gasped up to the ceiling, and Shane's fingers were on his other nipple, twisting it, and that should have been overwhelming, but it wasn't, somehow - it added to the sensation that was building and building in the pit of Ryan's stomach, adding to the sweetness and the heat that were gathering.

Ryan's hips stuttered forward, and then he sobbed like his heart was breaking, as Shane switched sides, his fingers twisting the wet nipple.

Shane kissed the tip of Ryan's nipple, and then he pulled off, to rest his (pointy) chin on Ryan's chest.

"How are you doing?"

Shane sounded amused.

"Why'd you _stop_?"

Ryan didn't even try to disguise the whining desperation that was clawing through his whole body, leaving him twitching and desperate.

“Because I can’t be leaning forward like that if I’m fucking your face,” Shane said, as if that was just a thing that was _said_ , and that was enough to make Ryan blush.

“I want,” Ryan began, and then he cleared his throat, and looked to the side.

The pleasure was beginning to crawl up his spine, making it hard to think, making it hard to remember what words meant, what words even _were_.

“What do you want, Ry?”

Shane’s hand was under Ryan’s chin now, forcing eye contact, and Ryan would have hated it, if he wasn’t already so close to cumming.

… what was he, fourteen? Why was he already so close to popping?

Then Shane was kissing him again, Shane’s tongue was in Ryan’s mouth, and Ryan let his eyes slide closed, his hands going up to cradle the back of Shane’s head, his fingers threading through Shane’s hair.

This would have been hotter if he was tied up, come to think of it.

Although there was something super appealing about being left all loose like this, being allowed to squirm and wriggle, but having to make sure that he wasn’t disturbing any of the devices on him or in him.

Maybe that was why people were usually tied up when they were being fucked by a machine.

Maybe fucking machines were more delicate than they seemed to be.

Shane pulled back, just enough to catch his breath, and he looked down at Ryan, his lips swollen with kisses, his eyes dark with lust.

“So,” said Shane, and now he was stepping back from the edge of the bed, wriggling out of his pants and his boxers, standing there with his hard cock covered by his shirt.

“So?”

Ryan licked his lips. 

“I’m going to straddle your chest and fuck your face,” said Shane. “Sound like a plan?”

“I am _all_ for that,” Ryan said, and he was almost embarrassed about how earnest he sounded.

Almost.

Then Shane was indeed straddling him, Shane’s thighs on Ryan’s ears, the wet head of Shane’s cock against his lips.

Ryan opened his mouth, and he sucked.

He sucked like a machine himself, as the toy on his cock kept up its relentless pace, and then Ryan shifted his position, just enough to press the dildo _right_ where it was appreciated, and Ryan was cumming.

He groaned around the cock in his mouth, but he kept sucking - he couldn’t really move his head up and down at this angle, so it was mostly Shane doing all the work.

Shane must have realized that Ryan had just cum, because he looked down, making somewhat awkward eye contact.

“How was that?”

Ryan gave an awkward thumbs up, still sucking.

It was hard to really pay attention to much - the toy in his ass and the toy on his cock were just… going, jerking him off, fucking him.

He was going to cum again - it was already beginning to build again, his cock tender in the toy, his ass clenching and spasming around the toy.

_If only there were some chestnuts,_ Ryan thought, which made him smirk a little bit around Shane’s cock in spite of himself. 

Fuck, it was almost painful - strike the almost, it _was_ painful - but it was exactly what he needed, exactly what he needed.

He hadn’t even realized that he wanted this so badly, except that it was happening now, and he was already on his way towards another orgasm. 

He was a grown ass adult, and already building up towards another orgasm - who knew the power of an intense kink, huh?

Or was he dissociating, just a bit?

Some of this seemed to be happening to a bit of him that was very far away, although then again, it was hard for Ryan to entirely leave his own head, even at the best of times.

Shane yanked on Ryan’s hair, just hard enough to make Ryan’s eyes snap open, and he stared up into Shane’s hair.

Shane looked down at Ryan, his eyes deep and dark, familiar and alien at the same time.

Something in Ryan’s chest ached, and that was ridiculous - was he having feelings _now_ , in the middle of this weird perverted scene?

Shane’s hips were still rolling, his cock sliding in and out of Ryan’s mouth, and Ryan kept sucking, drooling down his chin, down the sides of his mouth. 

Ryan’s hands were on Shane’s hips, kneading at them, squeezing them hard enough that Shane might end up with bruises.

Shane shuddered, and his cock twitched inside of Ryan’s mouth, as he began to push himself deeper.

He pushed himself deep enough that his belly was right up against Ryan’s nose, and Ryan’s eyes rolled back in his head.

“God, I can feel your throat trembling,” Shane said, and his voice was hushed. “Fuck, Ry, you’re… so hot, oh god.”

Ryan made an indistinct pleasure noise, beginning to suck a little harder - to full on _slurp_ , as if he was recording some kind of filthy bit of audio porn - and Shane groaned like he was in pain.

“You’re gonna be the fucking death of me,” Shane mumbled, and his thrusts began to pick up their pace.

Ryan gagged once, then forced his throat open, tilting his head back a bit further.

Shane’s hands were on his hair now, holding him in place, using him as leverage, and Ryan was just… a thing.

Ryan was a thing that was being fucked, by toys, by Shane.

Ryan was a human fleshlight, a human dildo, a human fucktoy, and that was all he needed to be.

He was a thing to be used to give pleasure, a thing to have a machine used on him, just a thing.

He lost track of time, lost track of himself - it was just the sensation of being fucked relentlessly, of having his cock stroked robotically, of the cock that was thrusting in and out of his mouth, down his throat.

And then Ryan was cumming again, his cum drooling out of the edges of the toy, overflowing now, right down onto his groin, which was… it was gross and wet and sticky, and the sweet pleasure pulled Ryan out of his fugue state, just a bit.

He gasped around the dick in his mouth, and then Shane was groaning like he was in actual pain, his hips stuttering forward.

“Fuck,” Shane said, and his fingertips were digging into Ryan’s head.

Ryan would have complained, but… well, fuck it, this was hot.

This was stupidly hot.

Ryan’s voice was going to be wrecked.

He’d have to live with it, somehow.

He groaned, the fleshlight squeezing him harder, and it was getting towards too painful to stand, but he could go a little longer - he could keep Shane’s cock in his mouth a little longer, he could make Shane cum, he _would_ make Shane cum…..

For all that he was concentrating on making Shane cum, Shane’s orgasm came as a surprise.

Shane actually pulled his cock out of Ryan’s mouth, and he scooted back, resting his full weight on Ryan’s breastbone (ow), and then he was jerking himself desperately, aiming his cock at Ryan’s chest.

He painted Ryan’s skin with stripes of cum, and it was hot and sticky, and that was enough to make Ryan’s own cock begin to twitch again, although Ryan’s cock was beginning to get too soft for the toy, beginning to slide out.

He sighed, and Ryan cleared his throat.

“Shane?”

… yeah, Ryan’s voice was wrecked.

He was croaking like a frog.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

Shane took a finger’s worth of cum, and he smeared it across Ryan’s lips.

Ryan made a face, but he licked it up - it was bitter, it was sticky, it was salty, but Shane’s breath caught in his throat when he saw Ryan’s tongue dart out, and Ryan was willing to endure the gross for that.

“I think I’m done,” Ryan said. “Thank you.”

“You're out fucked?”

Shane leaned over, turning off the fleshlight, pulling it up and off.

Ryan sighed with relief, as his cock flopped onto his belly.

“Wow,” said Shane. “You came a lot.”

“I mean,” said Ryan, “two orgasms can do that to a guy.”

“Two?”

“Oh yeah,” said Ryan. “Fuckin’... double header.”

“No, that’d be if you were giving head to two guys at the same time,” said Shane, as he got up off of Ryan’s chest, stumbling onto the floor, his feet muffled by the carpet, his legs weak under him. 

Ryan rolled his eyes, and then he made a surprised noise, when the dildo was pulled out of him.

He was momentarily empty, clenching around nothing.

But okay.

He flopped back, covering his face with both hands, trying to catch his breath. 

“Fuck,” Ryan said. 

“So I did good?”

Shane’s tone was casual enough that it obviously wasn’t casual, and Ryan looked at Shane through his fingers.

“You did great, big guy,” said Ryan. “A plus. Would recommend.”

“Next time we get a pay raise,” Shane said, dropping the two sex toys onto the floor and flopping onto the bed next to him, “I’ll get you a fucking machine.”

“... sounds like a plan,” Ryan said, and he was blushing.

Shane reached out, taking Ryan’s hand in his own, squeezing it. 

Ryan squeezed back.

“You know,” Ryan said, after a minute or so, “most guys just go with flowers.”

Shane snickered.

**Author's Note:**

> The two toys used in this fic are the [Auto Blow 2](https://www.autoblow2.com/?a_aid=542c3f1a28715) and the dildo is a [Stronic Zwei](https://ca.funfactory.com/pulsators/stronic-zwei/)


End file.
